On 50th Birthday - Prologue

Today, I’m fifty and before you wish me a happy birthday, please know that I’m only concerned about The Meeting.  

Prologue

Fantastic childhood. Love, care and appreciation. Sports, studies  and friendships. Struggle was a routine thing. Curious omissions, odd mistakes and foolhardy adventures were abundant. Religiosity was go to thing, mostly for regrets and returns after honest mistakes and mostly for not so honest mistakes. More than anything else, PTV was shaping the personality of a growing teenager. All in all, a full package of life that 80s could offer.

Along came 90s and felt strong inclination towards political Islam which to this day is closest to my heart and unfortunately it is not to be found anywhere. College life, cadet life and practical life as commissioned officer all appears now like a dream. It had everything except that one thing, the satisfaction. I remember passing out from Sandhurst and feeling so empty and emotionless. But never failed to enjoy a moment or two with friends. Fast forward, two decades in uniform and never felt attached or detached to it. An indifferent journey of reconciling with idealism of training/ manuals and realism of practical life. Realities were harsh, they still are. Doffing uniform and beginning second fiddle in business was like a routine thing because accepting challenges, adapting and working hard was part of my DNA. 

However, today when I look back it all appears unreal. Lights, camera, action and  stage drama kept rolling. Joys and regrets aside, life as whole left me worried. Everything I thought perceived and acted upon, turned out to be false. Whether my understanding of religion, duty to service, politics, patriotism or relations. 

It took me fifty years to conclude life in one line from the Manual: [3:185]

ۗ وَمَا الْحَيَاةُ الدُّنْيَا إِلَّا مَتَاعُ الْغُرُورِ

And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion.

For the rest of it, I hope and pray to get things right with above statement in mind for anything and everything I do. May Allah be my guide. Ameen

Only Allah knows the whole Truth.